Control Play

Sometimes I feel like I am so lost. Football has always been a part of my life. For the past 3 months, the only thing I have been doing is coaching. Stressing... Gray Hairs... Thinking is non existent except about the pitch... No Escape... I am really starting to like my day job. It forces me to think... do different tasks... it is a great change of pace... also,  the last couple of days, I have been playing.. for me.. it has been a blast.. i actually have control over my little world on the pitch while over half the time im not sure what or where i am in life.. do i even want control? am i grasping for it? or am I just trying to avoid it? what is right? what do I want? am i doing what i do to make people happy or am I doing what I want...???