Sometimes I forget

In life, it is easy to lose focus on what everything is about. It is easy to get wrapped up in life's constant twists and loops that truly important things get swept to the side. Right now, in life, I am trying to figure out the direction I want to take in life. I want to start growing up and doing more than I am doing. However, I do not know what this looks like. I heard a quote that said "Not all that wander are lost." I don't think that applied to me. In an earlier post, I talked about how I think God has me here for a reason that I don't know and I think He is waiting on me to be patient and content. Sometimes I forget that ultimately He is in control and the more I try to go against my own advice, the more lost I become and I wander ever farther. I keep pushing myself farther and farther away and feel so inadequate. It is a terrible feeling. The worst part is I know it and continue to do it. It is like I know the stove is hot and I continue to put my hand on it! WTF am I thinking? I need more focus in life right now... I want to be able to see life the way I used to see it... I want to make a difference... But I can't because I can't even do anything right in my own life.. I am a wreck.. However, I know that I don't have to do it alone.. Hide me in the shadow of your Wings

One of the best posts I have ever read... Truth

Isaiah 53

I sat there for the better part of four hours. It was cold, by my standards anyway. I couldn't feel my toes, they were numb. My fingers and nose may have well fallen off, because I couldn't feel those either. It was the first track meet I had ever seen in person.
It was the 3200. That’s 8 times around the track. 2 miles. It was cold. There was a decent crowd of people watching. The sun was going down with a strong breeze of arctic air blowing across the track and  the field. On the starting  line stood 15-20 kids ready to run their lungs out for 10-12 minutes. Within the first 3 seconds of the gun going it was obvious to see who wasn't going to win. I could see it, they could see it, the whole crowd could see it. And as everyone's eyes fixated on the few front runners, the lonely few faded farther and farther behind until they were eventually lapped. Not once, but twice.
I didn't watch the front runners. For some reason or other I wound up watching the kid at the very back. He was nonathletic looking. His form was formless. He looked like he was running under water. Frozen in time even.  But he was moving. And as he came around turn four, the look on his face was pure distress and pain. And to think he had 7 more laps! But he kept running. He kept moving his legs. I thought to myself, "Kid, poor kid, do something else with your free time. We both know you have no chance of ever winning today, tomorrow, next week, EVER!"  But he ran. Never stopped. Not once. I am sure at the next track meet he will run again. He will try his hardest to do better. And again he will come in last. But he will run. He wont stop. He wont stop for anyone or anything.
On the ride home I was talking to Kayla. I asked her, "Why would a kid ever subject himself to losing over and over again?" "Well" she answered simply, "He's out there. He's competing. He's doing it. And that is all that matters."
I thought about it for the rest of night and into the next day and even up to now really. The kid was obviously running for something other than winning. He must have had some other motivation. Maybe it was personal. I don't know. All I know is that when I was in high school  I would have never attempted anything I knew I had no chance in. Eventually, the next day my heart went out to the kid. I finally realized what he was actually doing.
He realizes there is something much larger than himself. He is risking all that he is, in knowing that the reward will be so much more than what he can imagine. He knows there is a bigger picture than himself and that certain pieces to the puzzle are required. Courage and hope are quite possibly the most valuable character traits a person can posses. And when those two traits are realized impossible things become possible. And when they are put into practice mountains are moved, giants fall, waters part, people come alive, college kids win Olympic gold medal hockey games, people survive cancer,  needs are provided, people are fed, sins are covered, what is lost gets found, etc…
The consequence of courage and hope is nothing short of victory. For victory sometimes shows itself in the most uncommon of forms. Isaiah 53

Confession to make

Today, as I woke up late to even get to church late, I came to the realization that something needs to change. I am not being challenged. I am not going anywhere. I am not being pushed. I am simply... There. I don't want to say a waste but sometimes I feel like it. I know that I am capable of whatever I want to do. The problem is I am picky and sometimes I do not get the breaks I am looking for (i.e. my professional soccer career). However, as many times as I fall away, I know that the Homie G has my back. He always reels back in and tries to set me on the right course. I was talking to my roommate tonight about where we are in life. He voiced how I had been feeling in the fact that I am comfortable yet very discontent. John Piper states that "God is most Glorified when we are most Satisfied in Him." I think that has been God's challenge to me. He will bring something my way that will really bring new and exciting challenges when I stop being so restless and just sit and rest in His peace. I think it might be one of those topsy turvy upside down things that God does where it is about the opposite. Be still and know that He is God is alot easier said than done sometimes. If I can be patient and faithful in the little things, I know He will open new doors or even possibly a window or even better a bungee cord...

Looking up or down depending...

Today was interesting. There is a massive tournament going on in AZ this weekend. The Food City Tournament. Friday night, we tied 1-1 and should have won. The other team, which was full of Juco kids, tied the game with about 2 minutes left in the game and we were not able to regain the lead. Frustrating... I wake up the next day and get the time wrong and show up 2 minutes before half time. We had 10 men on the field and went into half tied at 0. We ended up winning 3-0 while ending the game with 10 men. Fantastic. I had to coach during the next game. My 94s lost 1-0 while kicking the crap out of the team we were playing. Officially, they are going into high school so I don't have to do any training for like 3 months now. We get to play soccer tennis for the next couple of weeks so that will be fun! My mens team ended up losing 3-1 while getting screwed by the ref... we ended up not going through and thus we are back to frustrating... However, it is coming into snowboard season! Exciting! and yet, it is in november and it was 95 degrees today! wtf...

Keepin it close

Why are people afraid? What is it about fear that people do not like? Is it Change? The going away from the status quo... An inability to change with the times or adapt to it? Is it Control? The fear of not being able to handle your life and control every little thing in it? Could it be not having enough control or could it be not having any control that makes people afraid? Physical and emotional pain could be a reason for people being afraid. An inability to let things go. Spiders, snakes, and bats are also things that make people afraid. There are so many things in life that can make you afraid. My question is, at the end of the day... it is going to happen anyways... isn't it better in life to experience all you can experience.. the good and the bad.. the ups and downs.. the loves and the fears...

Psalms 56:11

The people around you, your community, your support group, are what help keep your way. Good company corrupts bad morals. In this life, it is too hard to do it on your own. There are not very many cowboys out there anymore. They are what help with fear. They are what help get you through the tough times. They are what you remember at the end of the day. They help keep you on track and focused. They are what help you keep on keeping on.