Sometimes I forget

In life, it is easy to lose focus on what everything is about. It is easy to get wrapped up in life's constant twists and loops that truly important things get swept to the side. Right now, in life, I am trying to figure out the direction I want to take in life. I want to start growing up and doing more than I am doing. However, I do not know what this looks like. I heard a quote that said "Not all that wander are lost." I don't think that applied to me. In an earlier post, I talked about how I think God has me here for a reason that I don't know and I think He is waiting on me to be patient and content. Sometimes I forget that ultimately He is in control and the more I try to go against my own advice, the more lost I become and I wander ever farther. I keep pushing myself farther and farther away and feel so inadequate. It is a terrible feeling. The worst part is I know it and continue to do it. It is like I know the stove is hot and I continue to put my hand on it! WTF am I thinking? I need more focus in life right now... I want to be able to see life the way I used to see it... I want to make a difference... But I can't because I can't even do anything right in my own life.. I am a wreck.. However, I know that I don't have to do it alone.. Hide me in the shadow of your Wings

One of the best posts I have ever read... Truth

Isaiah 53

I sat there for the better part of four hours. It was cold, by my standards anyway. I couldn't feel my toes, they were numb. My fingers and nose may have well fallen off, because I couldn't feel those either. It was the first track meet I had ever seen in person.
It was the 3200. That’s 8 times around the track. 2 miles. It was cold. There was a decent crowd of people watching. The sun was going down with a strong breeze of arctic air blowing across the track and  the field. On the starting  line stood 15-20 kids ready to run their lungs out for 10-12 minutes. Within the first 3 seconds of the gun going it was obvious to see who wasn't going to win. I could see it, they could see it, the whole crowd could see it. And as everyone's eyes fixated on the few front runners, the lonely few faded farther and farther behind until they were eventually lapped. Not once, but twice.
I didn't watch the front runners. For some reason or other I wound up watching the kid at the very back. He was nonathletic looking. His form was formless. He looked like he was running under water. Frozen in time even.  But he was moving. And as he came around turn four, the look on his face was pure distress and pain. And to think he had 7 more laps! But he kept running. He kept moving his legs. I thought to myself, "Kid, poor kid, do something else with your free time. We both know you have no chance of ever winning today, tomorrow, next week, EVER!"  But he ran. Never stopped. Not once. I am sure at the next track meet he will run again. He will try his hardest to do better. And again he will come in last. But he will run. He wont stop. He wont stop for anyone or anything.
On the ride home I was talking to Kayla. I asked her, "Why would a kid ever subject himself to losing over and over again?" "Well" she answered simply, "He's out there. He's competing. He's doing it. And that is all that matters."
I thought about it for the rest of night and into the next day and even up to now really. The kid was obviously running for something other than winning. He must have had some other motivation. Maybe it was personal. I don't know. All I know is that when I was in high school  I would have never attempted anything I knew I had no chance in. Eventually, the next day my heart went out to the kid. I finally realized what he was actually doing.
He realizes there is something much larger than himself. He is risking all that he is, in knowing that the reward will be so much more than what he can imagine. He knows there is a bigger picture than himself and that certain pieces to the puzzle are required. Courage and hope are quite possibly the most valuable character traits a person can posses. And when those two traits are realized impossible things become possible. And when they are put into practice mountains are moved, giants fall, waters part, people come alive, college kids win Olympic gold medal hockey games, people survive cancer,  needs are provided, people are fed, sins are covered, what is lost gets found, etc…
The consequence of courage and hope is nothing short of victory. For victory sometimes shows itself in the most uncommon of forms. Isaiah 53